Growing up Mom

Xam has just turned 1 year and 8 months old yesterday and I seem to notice a lot of unlikely attitude and behavior growing... in me not him.

It's so natural to read or hear stories of babies growing up differently of their age from stage 0 to stage N. More often than not would we hear most mothers saying that it gets so hard being a mom everyday as their kids grow. Others would tell that they enjoy moment by moment of time with their children. Some would be as proud to tell of having managed challenging days without seeking from an experienced or an expert, or goggling all day to find answers.

When it looks to be like so simple, I haven't adjusted to it very well yet. What I do know and would want to create in me as a mom is a state of mind and heart that I am not dealing with a same-age person as mine. And that I have a responsibility over this person for him to grow up not having heard so much of high-pitched tunes of scolding but a restful heart to understand what has been realized to them.

I have always been reminding myself of being patient and accepting since the time Xam learned how to explore things and experimenting these stuffs to work. Because during these times, I often feel a lot of extra energy going out from me and it doesn't seem to help me fulfill my other tasks at home. Being in an average family, with no household helper to do the cleaning and washing and doing errands, I really have to progress when it comes to multi-tasking.

My weekend routine has suddenly changed when Xam's daily activities have also shifted. My supposed to be spare hours spent for keeping the house organized have all been added up to looking after my adventurous son. But however I try to ease myself at that, I still can't keep my eyes off the disturbing messy corners of the house. At this point, I had to activate my extra skill to multi-task of watching over Xam going around while keeping eyesores out of sight. Yet, I'm still not good at it or maybe I engage myself too much until I forgot I still have to run after his every move. Like one time, I hassle so much cleaning the sala set that I didn't realize I'm not hearing any prompting sound from Xam at all until I saw him demonstrably pouring a pouch of my soya milk into the couch. I blurted out loud that it scares him and made him ran to his lola for comfort and cover.

I admit I forgot I made an affirmation and later felt the guilt while looking at Xam fiercefully crying on mom's shoulder he can't even look at me. Then I realize that this couldn't have happened if I put my milk in the storage area.

There are few more instances when I behaved I am not what I like to see myself as a parent to Xam. And it kept me reminding myself that I should be more affirmative to my commitment.


MOM'S STANDPOINT

As a parent, no matter how provoking the situation is, when it comes to disciplining our children, we should always give ourselves a space, a pause to remember our affirmation of love and understanding, before the bloodrush occur. We had a control, believe me. We just need to prepare and practice. We always have a lot of choices when it comes to dealing with our children. And you know what? What keeps us from choosing is also a choice.

Our Best Protection to Our Children

It's been a long 7-month lag when I'm supposed to give a whim-wham and shots of this not-so-ordinary life of mine. While I was reading my previous posts, I realized I'm being nautical of what should be me as a mom and what I'm expecting from Xam as a person that I forgot that it's more important to share the process more than the result (although most of us wants to hear the ending of the story). Bottomline is I was too much of an anticipant.

Meanwhile, I'm composing myself with a cup of coffee to regain stimulation and pick up and give a run-through of what was left behind my stories.

This is a very gloomy day to start with yet hoping for vitalized nerves to activate and finish to-do list for today.

Going back, (please let me start this week then I will try to summarize the 7 months in the next several posts) Xam had a Tuberculin test last Saturday to check whether or not he is already treated from primary complex as he is finishing his 6-month treatment this June. Mom and Dad took him back to the clinic yesterday for the result and thank God it turned negative so he just needs to finish of what is left in the 2 bottles of the Refam Duo medicine he's been taking since December.

At last we're free from fussy and messy mornings, and most importantly, from fear of Xam taking too much chemicals from these medicines that could later harm (hope not) his system. I was all along very cautious of what food and medicine to give him because of his deficiency and yet, I have still have no control of other environment-induced illnesses, even if vaccines are already available for almost all types of children-related diseases.

As a mom, I always make sure Xam is protected to the common stresses in children like cough, colds and flu, especially nowadays when the AH1N1 virus scare is spreading. I make sure he takes his regular Vitamin C daily in the morning and the appetite-boosting Propan in the evening before bedtime. He'll be vaccinated for dreaded flu on Saturday and will update other vaccines and boosters for the next scheduled months.


MOM'S STANDPOINT

While we are after insusceptibility of our children to diseases, we must start with their protection. It's perfectly okay to let them explore their surroundings as some doctors say that this is one way they will acquire their immunity. Yet they need more of shield and follow-through advises of what to do to protect themselves while we're not after them to look out. For me, this is the best protection we can give to them as they grow up so they consequently understand the do's and dont's and what is harmful and what is safe to them.

Year-end.Year-long.

The best time of the year is almost here. We're getting ready for the most important feast of all despite life's daily hurdles and this year's global crisis. Yes, Christmas is still Christmas, New Year is still New Year, no matter what.

We all have share of thoughts of what is about to happen this December. All the preparations are set, from each home's brightly green and red decorations, the perfect Christmas tree encircled with array of gifts, groceries almost complete for the eve dinner, and loved ones overseas are starting to board their flight for the happiest time of the year with their family. My feeling of excitement would never be complete without hearing my favorites Christmas songs. The wind is now brrrrrringing the coldness of Christmas air and early parties are now being held in offices.

Last Sunday the mass homily touched me a lot when truths about family are being shared by the priest. Yes, there's no such a perfect family. Couples hurt each other, siblings have their own bouts and worst, the bond breaks and the family completely separates. I have my own not-so-perfect family but as the priest said, what is important is the openness to accept each one's individuality and the courage to change for the better.

As the year end, we prepare for a year-long 2009. We think of plans, short-term and long-term, and somehow rethink of the delayed 2008 New Year's resolution and carry it to 2009 adding up more and much the same as the previous years. As far as my being a single mom, the urge to keep the plans moving is great. I don't want to disappoint myself and my son, and my family and friends who've been supporting me in this endeavor. Let's say, hoping for the best of 1st quarter 2009?

Let's all keep our fingers crossed and let faith and prayers reign in our plans for 2009. Meanwhile let's always keep the spirit of Christmas and New Year as well, alive. Advance Merry Christmas and Goodluck for 2009! to everyone.

RAPE DRUG

Please Inform all your Female Friends !!!!!

Babala Para Sa Mga Kababaihan .....

A woman at a bar on a Saturday night was taken by 5 men, who, according to hospital and police reports, gang raped her before dumping her. Unable to remember the events of the evening, tests later confirmed the repeat rapes, along with traces of Rohypnol in her blood and Progesterex, essentially a small sterilization pill.

The drug is now being used by rapists at parties to rape AND sterilize their victims. Progesterex is available to vets to sterilize large animals.. Progesterex is being used together with Rohypnol, the date rape drug.

As with Rohypnol, all they have to do is drop it into the girl's drink. The girl can't remember a thing the next morning, of all that had taken place the night before. Progesterex, which dissolves in drinks just as easily, is such that the victim doesn't get pregnant; she won't conceive from the rape and the rapist needn't worry about having a paternity test identifying him months later.

The drug's effects ARE NOT TEMPORARY - They are P*E*R*M*A*N* E*N*T!!! Progesterex was designed to sterilize horses... Any female who takes it will NEVER BE ABLE TO CONCEIVE... The weasels can get this drug from anyone who is in the vet school or any university.

It's that easy, and Progesterex is about to break out big on campuses everywhere. Believe it or not, there are even sites on the Internet telling people how to use it.

Please forward this to everyone you know, especially girls.. Be careful when you're out and don't leave your drink unattended.

Please make the effort to forward this on to all you know... Guys, please inform all your female friends and relatives!

REPOST THIS MSG AS MANY TIMES AS YOU CAN to HELP SAVE THE NEXT VICTIM.....

Lower your Expectations... please

Moms always want the best for their children... and expects the best from them. We can never single out 'expectation' from what is commonly observed in children even during early development. From the earliest time they walk, talk and make things happen to their health regimine, like eating nearly everything fed to them. But what if they don't possess such capability at their age, do we feel disappointed towards our kids?

At this time, I myself is expecting positively from Xam especially that babies at his age are seen with dramatic progress in terms of physical and mental growth. My observations are focused on his motor skills, language, health, and behavior towards his environment and the factors that affects each aspect of his development.

WALKING

Observation: Xam at 1 year and 1 1/2 months can't walk by himself yet. His heels don't touch the ground and whenever supported, he tiptoes as he take a step.

Factors: One possible factor is his early use of walker. It makes going across the house easy for him that when we took it away, the fear of trying to walk started to emanate. His fear then became a factor of not taking any chance to start from pulling up his legs to standing up alone. Although there are rare instances that I get to see him try but shaken once his body is about to straighten.

LANGUAGE

Observation: At his age, he can babble words to phrases using mix of all the vowels and even pronounce 'a' singularly as in the alphabet which is a sign of normal speech development. The usual ramble of "mama" or "mommy" and "daddy" is quite evident.

Factors: Early communication in full words, phrases and sentences help develop the normal flow of language skills. The support of physical example of the common things that the baby encounters is a plus factor, not only to his vocabulary but to his visualization and familiarization skills.

HEALTH

Observation: Though G6PD deficient, Xam is mostly active, crawls and stands (with support) fast, loves to be strolled and his tolerance to pain is apparent.

Factors: Proper nutrition before and after birth, complete and regular immunization and regular intake of vitamins and other food supplement.

INTERACTION WITH OTHER PEOPLE

Observation: Xam is irritant and doesn't want to play with his cousins his age but has a strong bond with his aunts who are already in grade school and college.

Factor: Has not been exposed early to an environment wherein people in all ages are present. His behavior could only be a sign of stranger anxiety.

MOM'S STANDPOINT

However we do some screening and evaluation on our child's growth and development as we want to foresee, we would still be missing some points in our checklist as we are not dealing with them 24 hours a day. As we try to mitigate the impact, we shouldn't forget that our babies are born unique and they have their own pattern of development. Sooner or later we realize that they have their own natural way of self-melioration and what we have been expecting at the beginning is actually in the end the unexpected.

Dear Lord...

I thank You for all of me: my heart, my mind and my soul,

For molding me into a person I am today,

For having a family who's loving, affectionate and understanding,

For kind friends and relatives whose support is unwavering.

I thank you for people I've known for long as friends but have forgotten me,

those I just met but offered and shared their friendship,

and to those who caused me hurt and disserted me.

I ask for Your forgiveness for the things I've committed that caused You so much pain,

and help me to forgive myself so I could start over again

with a heart full only with love and sympathy to others.

As a mother, I will always be grateful for this gift,

to bear a life so beautiful and entrusted him to my care.

You are my Only witness to the struggles I've been through,

Though people misjudged me, You gave me strength to carry on.

I ask You Dear Lord, to strengthen me more,

heart, body and soul.

I know I am Your best choice

and I want to be the best mom You want me to be.

Please give me enough courage to stand with what I believe

is Your will and best for me and my son.

Teach me to be more patient and how to control my temper.

While I'm away from Xam, please look after him for me.

Please look after my parents as well whose love for Xam

is twice as much as my love for him.

Take us away from any danger, illness and sin

and protect us from the discrimating society that we live in.

I will always try my best to be of good service to You

as I go on with my daily activities.

Please don't forget me even if at times I forget You during the day.

If I do, please help me remind me of You

Amen.

Mom, a Middle Child and her Plans

Last night I was having a conversation with my roommate on some important 'matters of life.' While watching TV Patrol and having heard so much of nerve-wracking issues, we went into discussing our own plans in life. She informed me about her online exam on personality and career assessment as a recommendation by POEA to know the jobs or careers best fit for her. The result shows that she could be a doctor, healthcare worker, librarian, or an administrator. This roots to her being serious, focused, organized, introvert among other working attitude that suits the mentioned professions. We somehow laugh at it after discovering some of her traits even she had never imagined she possessed.

Everything about this conversation came up after asking about PLANS. We both have a common step of trying our luck in other country. We started with the place and we both end up agreeing with Canada, US, New Zealand or Australia as the best of all although she was considering Middle East particularly Dubai as an option to where she could practice her profession as a Nurse or Accountant. While I didn't seem to share my thoughts about my hesitations going back to Dubai, I neither disagree with her knowing that her career as a Nurse or an Accountant is highly in demand there with a salary offer that is relatively high compared to the wage offered here in the Philippines.

When it was my turn to relate my plans, I never realized that some things seem to hinder me from moving on. I never knew how confused I am with my priorities, considering family and goals. Never did I imagined that an influence would come from my being a middle child.

Over the night after that serious talk with my roommate, before I was finally caught in bed, I was having a sort of 'personal crisis evaluation.' Being a middle child and having gone through experiences of being one, I started kidding myself of being such a robbot. But I thought I was too harsh to describe myself as such, so I went to the more realistic term of being so SUBMISSIVE. Having a family of 3 siblings, as far as my childhood memory could reach, I was always in the middle of verbal and physical coercion. I didn't manage to fill the gap nor tried to get out of the conflict and I was all along a great shock absorber. There is something that tells me that I have to stay in between otherwise, we will all crash down. Until we reached our age that we need to untangle a little part our strings of being siblings. It makes sense now that the three of us are living separately, away from going into the same story again and again. As a typical family though, we will always stay connected to each other.

When I open my plans, one tends to have a say. Just like what had happened lately when I had a talk with my older sister regarding my plans to go abroad. She promptly resisted the idea considering our other plans here in the Philippines which is to invest on a small-scale business. We’ve been targeting this by February 2009 which means that since she’s based overseas, I’ll be in-charge of the management. This would also means freezing my plans of going out of the country until she decided to come home for good. But there is something she said that concerns me. Although it’s perfectly okay, her idea of me looking after our aging parents seems to be undeniably part of my considerations again of not going with my plans. (Readers, don’t get me wrong and to tell you, no one could ever best take care of our aging parents but us and they don’t need other people to look after them, but us. Besides, they don’t want to be taken care of. They just want us to be by there side sharing every day of their lives.). Yet, I didn’t say a word against it or it may lead to a-not-so-good conversation so I submit to the idea, and wait until something change with the plans due time.

Being a FAMILY-ORIENTED person (in effect of being in the middle; always looking for love and attention), I always consider each member of the family especially mom and dad whenever I venture for activities, travel or even shopping and of course, for long-term plans. It’s not that they need it, but because this is my way of showing them how important they are in my life. After all the sacrifices for us, they deserve all the love in return; be it in small token or a big share of future dreams.

Whatever the plans may be, may it materialize or not (of course who would want it not to be realized), what matters is that we share it with and to our family. A middle child is mostly deprived of things but is NOT SELFISH and SELF-CENTERED.