Growing up Mom

Xam has just turned 1 year and 8 months old yesterday and I seem to notice a lot of unlikely attitude and behavior growing... in me not him.

It's so natural to read or hear stories of babies growing up differently of their age from stage 0 to stage N. More often than not would we hear most mothers saying that it gets so hard being a mom everyday as their kids grow. Others would tell that they enjoy moment by moment of time with their children. Some would be as proud to tell of having managed challenging days without seeking from an experienced or an expert, or goggling all day to find answers.

When it looks to be like so simple, I haven't adjusted to it very well yet. What I do know and would want to create in me as a mom is a state of mind and heart that I am not dealing with a same-age person as mine. And that I have a responsibility over this person for him to grow up not having heard so much of high-pitched tunes of scolding but a restful heart to understand what has been realized to them.

I have always been reminding myself of being patient and accepting since the time Xam learned how to explore things and experimenting these stuffs to work. Because during these times, I often feel a lot of extra energy going out from me and it doesn't seem to help me fulfill my other tasks at home. Being in an average family, with no household helper to do the cleaning and washing and doing errands, I really have to progress when it comes to multi-tasking.

My weekend routine has suddenly changed when Xam's daily activities have also shifted. My supposed to be spare hours spent for keeping the house organized have all been added up to looking after my adventurous son. But however I try to ease myself at that, I still can't keep my eyes off the disturbing messy corners of the house. At this point, I had to activate my extra skill to multi-task of watching over Xam going around while keeping eyesores out of sight. Yet, I'm still not good at it or maybe I engage myself too much until I forgot I still have to run after his every move. Like one time, I hassle so much cleaning the sala set that I didn't realize I'm not hearing any prompting sound from Xam at all until I saw him demonstrably pouring a pouch of my soya milk into the couch. I blurted out loud that it scares him and made him ran to his lola for comfort and cover.

I admit I forgot I made an affirmation and later felt the guilt while looking at Xam fiercefully crying on mom's shoulder he can't even look at me. Then I realize that this couldn't have happened if I put my milk in the storage area.

There are few more instances when I behaved I am not what I like to see myself as a parent to Xam. And it kept me reminding myself that I should be more affirmative to my commitment.


MOM'S STANDPOINT

As a parent, no matter how provoking the situation is, when it comes to disciplining our children, we should always give ourselves a space, a pause to remember our affirmation of love and understanding, before the bloodrush occur. We had a control, believe me. We just need to prepare and practice. We always have a lot of choices when it comes to dealing with our children. And you know what? What keeps us from choosing is also a choice.